Rat Chips!

***A guest blog by Ben the Rat. Original post date 7/17/2010***

RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS
RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS
RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS
RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS
RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS
RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS

What the hell are Rat Chips you ask? Well, they are the toenails of a corpse. Yeah I know, human chips are usually made from potatoes or corn and come in a large variety of flavors, which I have had my fill of while rummaging through garbage cans or through manufacturing plants always leaving some rat droppings behind... even if I have to squeeze my bowels extra hard to do it and pop a little one out to be found by a child during lunchtime at school and consumed (it always leaves a grin on my face just thinking of some idiot kid chomping on one of my little turds while eating a bag of chips yum yum… stupid fucking humans)…..but believe me, toenails are much more delightful. I have spent many a night in morgues making my way through the dead bodies and scampering on top of them... sometimes gnawing my way through a little plastic to make my way to the little lovely tender toes of the deceased.  

Can you see here the similarity between a nice juicy toenail and those chips all you ignorant humans are eating?  This particular toe was so juicy and delicious, I'll never forget it.

If humans were to just taste something without truly being able to see it with their eyes, or know what it truly is, it may make for something really delicious and nutritionally sound. Just think about the times when you have eaten a bag of chips and came across one that was different than all of the rest…maybe a different color or texture…a little harder than usual…hmmmm what could it be? It may be the toenail that I carried with me to the manufacturing plant that I frequent and dropped in the chip making bin with a big sharp toothed smile on my face.

Now each body gives me different flavors of delightful goodness to behold. Like a fresh corpse’s toenails are very crunchy and don’t provide much dipping sauce. They are also more difficult to peel away from the flesh as their decaying counterparts. But they are very good nonetheless. They are usually pretty salty from fresh foot sweat…the sweatier the foot was, the saltier the taste. In this respect, even a sharp vinegar flavor can be discovered which is immensely pleasurable.

Now a majorly decayed corpse that has been sitting for a while undiscovered in an apartment or home or maybe in a alley somewhere, well, those provide a completely different flavor and texture and nice delectable dipping sauces that have a different flavor every time.

Here's a picture of a pair of VERY ripe dead feet.

The toenail always slides very smoothly away from the rotting toe flesh, and includes a variety of delicious creamy cheesy sauces underneath....mmmmm my mouth is salivating just thinking about it. The longer the corpse has been rotting, the better the flavor. Sometimes I lick between the toes first to get some additional flavor on my tongue. Or take a little bite of the toe flesh first. Sometimes I eat the entire little toe including the toenail first as an appetizer to its larger more enticing neighbors. It just depends on my mood…Oh and I never eat painted toenails….ewwww painted toenails are disgusting!!

I think there are so many opportunities for nutrition out there that stupid humans would not even touch because they are so squeamish about every-fucking-thing. BUT if they only knew what actually went into the packaged products they were shoving into their puffy bloated faces every day, they would be sickened to the core. I have spent many of my days roaming around meat packing plants and food and animal manufacturing companies, and have witnessed many atrocities beyond ones sickest human dreams. And these atrocities wind up in the mouths of human babes and adults alike. But we’ll save that for another blog. Me, I am just happy that God graced my race with poor vision and sharp taste buds.