If a piece of work has already said all that can, and need, be said about something then why bother repeating it?
Oh yeah, we are in the absolute decline of art and civilization as we know it and rather than at least try to be unique about something we are all doomed to see anything and everything just be done over and over until we are all rendered Scanner-ized from our heads blowing up.
I suppose in such a world even rape and revenge epics are part of the food chain that still need to be shoved down mindless American movie going throats.
If you do happen to find yourself jonesing from needing to see a good rape and revenge flick by all means do yourself a favor and check out the following authorities on the subject and sub-genre-
Last House on the Left from 1972 because for all it's camp and hippy music this was the daddy of the rape and revenge sub-genre and said camp and hippy music aside this film still packs a punch to the gut as well as gnashing it's teeth on your groinal region.
Seen it already? So how about-
Irreversible because.... well, if you are going to watch one film that centers on the effects of rape this is going to affect you like nothing else will ever be able to do so why bother taking it anywhere else but the theoretical poop chute right here?
All that said, here we go. Again. Again.
The soulless and flim flammy phlegm globbing film making powers that be have now, for no apparent reason other than my decline of art and civilization theory in obvious effect, decided to bring us I Spit on your Grave 2.
No, not I Spit on your Grave too or even I Piss on your Grave because I ran out of Spit. Nope, just because nobody ever cared if there was a sequel to this remake or not and that of course also means no one asked for it, but guess what? We got it anyway and now it's here. After watching this I felt like maybe a title upgrade would have been in order. How about I Shit on your Grave?
The original film was a yodel if you saw it back in the day. It was basically a by-the-numbers exploitation hack and slash job that treated it's viewers with about as much subtlety as one would get having pulled up a chair and watched a snuff flick.
The film centered around a rape scene that was so long it made the audience feel as if they were being subjected to the cinematic equivalency of the tortures that the film's female victim had to endure. Who knew that just sitting down to watch a movie in the privacy of your own home could ever feel so much like being sodomized on a rock?
Could anyone ever have imagined that such a film would go on to become a cult classic? Well, if Siskel and Eggbert had just gone about their lives reviewing movies where British people drink tea and fart in bathtubs while wishing they were in a shower none of this would have happened. Uh, thanks guys. I guess.
I Spit on your Grave became a hit. It's rape scene went uncontested for its brutality and endurance award up until Irreversible reared its ugly face. The film also made castration awesome.
Well, unless you're a guy, in which case... no, not awesome at all.
As soon as men started to breathe easier and walk without a limp and a hand over their family jewels along came the inevitable remake.
The remake, though it seemed pointless, was actually quite entertaining because the murders were in fact totally awesome. Even the castration scene was cool. Except when it made me curl up into a ball and mourn that guys balls while praising that I still had my own because after all, it was only a movie. Still, as death scenes go that one was hellishly awesome. Just like all the other death scenes in it. Hence why I even bothered watching this retread in the first place. Word of mouth did me good on this one.
Anyone else who might be suffering from this affliction and came here for guidance on this re-re-tread please refer to the first part of the review and get busy.
This movie is pretty much the cinematic equivalent of a 105 minute commercial that keeps repeating "There's nothing to see here. As you were."
The acting somehow manages to be even more awful than one might expect for such a film. The female victim here had me desperately wishing that she had been a mute somewhere around the second or third time she opened her mouth.
The rape scene is ..... well, it's a rape scene. If you were hoping that I would explicitly detail such a thing the chances are you probably already own the red white and blu ray Mister Master Panty Raid Edition and are too busy jerking yourself into a silly puddy coma to bother with what I think about all this nonsense. So, as you were too.
One detail that I would like to point out is that if you were hoping to skim through the rape and get right to the revenge portion of our program you have a ways to go there, buddy. This movie takes forever to get going. There is way too much dialogue and they try to have a story mixed in there, as if we care. Seriously film peeps, we don't. They finally do get to the rape scene and it goes on for way too long. Imagine that too. When this lady does get around to finally dispatching some macho offal the death scenes are pretty weak though. In the name and game of being spoiler free I shall leave a little bit of mystery for you types.
Where the other films were simple in cutting to the chase, this by saying "death by axe, knife, etc." this one leaves me a bit loss for words anyway as it's methods of execution are a little more complex. They involve fecal matter though. Along with electricity.
Oh, and if you were hoping there would be dick violence and that is what brought you here just fast forward to the last ten minutes and .... you're welcome. The castration scene here did make me cringe just a little. As those type of scenes go though it was pretty silly. The only reason that I cringed was.... well, because it was dick violence and I have a dick. What other reason does a guy need?
Movies where women are raped and then crawl back from the gutter so they can pick up anything from an axe to a paper clip and then slice and dice their way through therapy are kind of old news now.
When exploitation had heart and soul mixed in with their creative juices I was interested enough when such flicks would come along. Hell, there have been some damn good ones made over time. Nowadays though it's just another tired sub-genre that turns out straight to dvd remakes and sequel remakes that are nothing but tax write-offs for movie studios.
The day that a rape scene can induce more yawning than terror might have seemed a long way off. Make no mistake about it though, it's here and the only thing that could be worse is knowing there will probably be an I Spit on your Grave franchise turned out annually until girl robots are oiled and soiled by macho asshole cyborgs with names like Hard2Deep2 and C3BO.
With this most recent addition to the rape and revenge game I have since turned in my retirement papers and so by then I will have been long gone and probably sitting around drinking bloody scaries and watching Fried Spleen Two Maters part 222. For anyone who is holding their breath for I Shit on your Robot Plate 2099, as you were. It will no doubt be made. If these flicks become any more popular you might not even have to wait until the year 2099 for it to be released.
I guess if there is one up side to cyborg rape and robot revenge flicks it would be the elimination of dick violence. I would think it kind of hard to be disturbed by a rusty robot dick being smashed with a hammer and then spit grave chisel shined by gnashing cyborg sex doll teeth. That is, unless you are actually a robot with a rusty dick. In which case, no.... rusty robot dick violence is not awesome.
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