It’s hard to pick the greatest or scariest movie of all time. I mean, with all those classics to choose from . . . . How does one narrow the pick down to one ultimate champion of fright and delight? Easy. You don't. There is just simply too many movies that I enjoy far too much and I’d feel like a boob leaving one of them out.
But, I do feel like writing something. So, maybe I’ll just pick a film . . . . Any film . . . . One of the Greats. One of the true classics of horror cinema. One that I feel is underrated due to it hardly ever gets mentioned when I hear people talking about horror movie classics.
I have often times heard the Exorcist referred to as the most terrifying movie ever made. You'll never hear me complain about that one as it stars my goddess of pea herself, Filthy Regan. But when it would come down to waxing over a particular film experience, this one always gets pea flavored accolades all around the soup table.
Same with Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This one is absolutely in my top five of all time. Hell, it’s in my top three. But once again . . . . Everybody picks this one to spooge movie jizz all over.
I want to write about something that rarely gets recognized for being one of the greatest films ever made. A film that when people are asked "What are your favorite horror movies of all time?" always seems to be overlooked for more well known fare like The Omen, A Nightmare on Elm street, Night of the living Dead, Rosemary's baby or any number of films that would star Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing or Vincent Price.
One of the truly most brilliant, scary, and downright fun movie experiences that has ever rolled out across a movie screen and thrilled and entertained fans of real horror worldwide for the last thirty years.
Phantasm.
Released upon an unsuspecting public in March of 1979, this film certainly is considered primitive in its special effects technology, but when it comes to being a balls out and rocking good time, the movie hasn't aged a single day.
The true measure of a horror classic is the ability to watch them again and again and still find yourself thrilled to pieces with each consecutive viewing. For me, Phantasm is such a masterpiece.
I rarely hear people drop this one as they rattle off their list of genre favorites. But make no mistake about it . . . . . Phantasm has every right to be on any best of the bunch list right alongside all the previously mentioned and far more recognized titles.
In terms of plot, the film keeps it simple. The action keeps flying at us at a frenzied pace and before we know it, we hear that last uttering of "Boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" and our minds have been blown apart once again.
Many films are often remembered for their contributions to pop culture. Most people can't tell one Friday the 13th film from the other. . . . Quick! Which part had Arnold Horshack get killed by Jason in the opening scene? Part 6. Jason lives. Sure, it’s hard to tell one of those movies from the other. Aren't most of them the same movie anyway? For the record though, part one and part four rule. My opinion.
But, Friday the 13th is a worldwide phenomenon. . . . . Not for its dazzling plotlines or brilliant acting . . . . . Not even for all those breasts . . . . . Quick! What is the sum total of all the breasts bared for all eleven films? (Fuck you, I’m not counting that shitty remake!) Okay. . . Sorry, I have no idea. Let’s just say a hell of a lot.
Everybody knows who Jason is though. Hell, my friends pre-schooler children knew who Jason was just as well as they knew who Santa Claus was. In fact, they would probably be happier to see Jason under the Shitmas tree because they thought he was way cooler.
Nobody can escape the legacy of Freddy Krueger. He is instantly recognizable by the sight of his charred flesh or those crafty finger knives . . . . Or even the sound of his voice.
Chucky wants to play. Another well known pop culture icon. A fucking doll. Eh, I never dug that whole thing. Throw that pint sized ass nugget in the toilet where he belongs.
Leatherface didn't even have to speak to terrify audiences everywhere. All he had to do was squeal a little and fire up that chainsaw and panties were soiled.
Now, Phantasm . . . . . Phantasm gave us two . . . . . Count 'em. . . . . Two. . . . . . Pop culture icons.
Maybe not as well known as Michael Myers or any of those fucks but if you're a real horror fan you know the tall man.
Seriously, has there ever been a nemesis cooler than Angus Scrimm's tall man? He almost makes old people seem really cool. Oh, and believe me . . . . This guy is old.
The tall man is actually Jebediah Morningside, the kindly soul and proprietor of the Morningside funeral home and Mausoleum Empire. Okay, I made up the kind soul part. If the tall man does in fact have a soul, you can best believe that its blacker than any plague.
Just exactly who and what the tall man is shall not even be revealed until later installments of the Phantasm franchise.
One of the coolest things about the original film on its own unique merits is that it doesn't really give you any information or back-story on the tall man and those cuddly little dwarfs that run around in monk costumes.
They're obviously from another planet. That’s about all you get. Phantasm is not about answers or blah-blah-blah. It’s about knocking you right out of your chair, and even all of these years later it still does it to me every single time I watch it.
Oh, and the other cool as hell pop culture icon?
Those spheres that patrol the halls of the mausoleum. Should you ever find your head on the receiving end of those razor sharp knife thingies that pop out once the ball attaches itself to your skull, you will find yourself in a most inconvenient position and unable to kiss your ass goodbye. Don't worry, the tall man probably plays one of those tiny violins for your sorry ass.
In addition to the tall man, we get one of the coolest ice cream men that ever drove one of them nifty trucks. Reggie.
Played by actor and musician, Reggie Bannister, he is one of my all time favorite horror movie heroes. I have met Reggie and used to check out his band at the Chiller Theater conventions in New Jersey back in the 90's and he is a hell of a nice guy and a great musician off the screen.
In the 80's and the 90's would follow three sequels. I’ll be honest here . . . . I’m not at all fond of those three films. If you want facts and answers they do certainly delve deeper into the origins behind the tall man character. But these films seem to contradict the spirit and appeal of the first film.
I enjoyed the fact that Phantasm doesn't really lay everything out for the viewer. It’s a popcorn film. It’s a thrill ride. It’s a whole lot of fun and it barely stops to catch its breath in its frenetic journey towards the end.
Even this ending can instill a sense of conflict within the viewer. Some would certainly see it as a cry out for a continuation. Among those being director and creator, Don Coscarelli, who couldn't resist the temptation to soil one of the greatest films of all time with three inferior sequels.
The adventures would continue, sure. But in my mind I am still being pulled from my movie seat straight into that mirror where I am on my way to Morningside to be made into a dwarf.
A good horror film elicits thrills and joy. It races the heart and gets the blood pumping. A great horror film is an all too rare find these days, but when we see one we find ourselves smiling from ear to ear just mentioning them to friends.
A horror classic . . . . . that is something that we movie fans might never see the likes of again. Everything that is released today seems to be a remake or a sequel. Classics are films that we may have seen a hundred times. We know them inside out. There are no longer any secrets when we watch them. But we never tire of them. We can pull them out any day of the week and watch them as many times as we choose, and the gut wrenching and eye popping goods shall be hand delivered to us from our TV screens every single time. The original 1979 film Phantasm is such a film. A true classic in every sense of the word. If you have seen it, then you know exactly what I mean. If you haven't seen it . . . . Why are you even reading this anyway?
***Original blog post date 9/23/2010***
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