***A guest blog by Ben the Rat blogger. Original post date 7/15/2010***
In the 90's there was a rumor circulating that Richard Gere would put RODENTS into his anus. Though never denied nor confirmed by Gere and his associates I am here to tell you that this is in fact a true story.
How do I now this, maybe you ask? I was once inside the anus of Richard Gere.The experience was extremely traumatic and through the miracle of therapy and my decision to begin blogging I am just now coming to terms with what happened and finding the courage to talk about it.
When Gere shot to super stardom in the early 80's from his appearance in the blockbuster films American Gigolo and An Officer and a Gentleman, he became a major Hollywood player.
Many high profile money makers on the scene would become recognized just as much for their extreme off screen antics as they would for any oscar caliber performance they could deliver. All decades seem to have their champions and Gere was high up on the list in the 80's.
It's a well known fact that when you find yourself making more money than you might know what to do with some truly bizarre behavior can often set in and make a person do things that might be found unsavory by the general public. I believe there is an entire book on this subject by Michael Jackson called "The Bible of shit found to be unsavory by the general public that rich and famous people do" or something like that.
Still, when these people command gushing cash flow and can call the shots, their lifestyles will afford them the freedom to do as they please and then should things get out of hand they can just make pay offs and cover it all up. That's a fact, Jack. Or Jill.
As witnessed in previous times many of Hollywood's Elite and power players would become victims of substance abuse. Richard Gere never liked to drink or do drugs. He doesn't even take headache relief medicine or drink cough syrup anymore since he started hanging around with that Dalai Lama guy.
Gere was into something far more bizarre and deranged than inhaling or injecting narcotics into his system. He liked to lie face down on a dirty mattress and have a willing suitor place a gerbil into his anus and then duct tape his ass cheeks tightly together so as to prevent any means of escape for the helpless gerbil.
Now, I know what you are thinking.... gerbils are not RATS. You're right. They're not. Fuck gerbils. I hate those worthless pricks. Still, nobody deserves to be trapped in a smelly cave and disregarded the freedom we all so rightly deserve as creatures on this hunk of toilet seat. Gerbils were somewhat of a gateway drug though for this anal poker named Dick.
Gere began his furry sexcapades by shoving gerbils into his ass. But, as his career started to go downhill years after Internal Affairs and Pretty Woman, he began to lose his credibility and star power. Once the story of the gerbils got out he became recognized in pet stores everywhere and animal friendly clerks used to outright refuse service to him.
Gere had to bid adieu to over the counter product and he took his perversions to the streets and became a fixture on the black market. In doing so, he made the leap from gerbils to RATS. So you see, calling him a rat bastard might be an affectionate term of accuracy. But it truly insults all that is unpurely filth ridden about the perfected vermin race. He's a prick bastard is what he is and if I ever see him again so help me I am going to scratch off his cornea's and lead him into the sewer. But I digress.
I remember one night I was making the nightly rounds to find some crumbs and I felt a syringe in the back of my head. The next thing I knew I found myself waking up with Cindy Crawford standing overtop of me. Not a bad thing, even for a filthy rat. I started to become excited and was almost ready to ask the supermodel if she had some garbage that I could rummage through when she grabbed me by the tail and shoved me into a very dark place that kind of smelled like beer and chili frito pie.
I looked back towards the hole that I had been forced into, only to find that it had been darkened by the underside of what I later found out to be duct tape. I will not lie to you, I was scared shitless then. Quite ironic considering where I was I know. Oh, and let me tell you that the inside of that man's ass stinks horribly and if you had been trapped in there I don't think you would have liked it anymore than I did.
As I felt the air supply dwindling and began to think I would soon be a dead RAT I figured that at least I should put up a fight. Us RATS have very powerful teeth. We don't see dentists. We don't brush or floss. Our jaws are as mighty as steel without the rusting disabilities. So as I took a deep breath and turned down my panic switch I began to run around the inside of the cave nibbling on the walls. It was dark in there but before long there were rivers of blood rising above my ankles and I felt a set of tremors that I thought might indicate some discomfort upon my hosts part. Thankfully I was right as I felt a hand grab my tail and pull me from the cave and throw me into a plastic bag. I had been tied up into a plastic bag and tossed into a garbage dumpster on the back lot of the Gere family premises.
I waited until it seemed quiet and I felt safe and I just gnawed my way out of the bag and ran home, but not before raiding their garbage. I found a lot of great shit. I ate for a week off all the treats that I found in that dumpster. I also found some cool ass decorations to snazz up my RAT pad with.
I know now that I was lucky when so many other of my VERMIN brother and sisterhood were not. Richard Gere is not the only of Hollywood's Elite that has a fetish for plunging my kind into the darkest of holies either.
Gere is lucky as well. You best believe I would have eaten my way out of that ass cavern would I had to. Up into his stomach and out through his mouth or right through the bedroom walls that house all of that reproductive crap that seems to work so well in keeping this shithole stockpiled with plenty of fetus fecal matter.
I am not afraid to die and I am not afraid to gnaw my way through stomach lining and brave plasmic estuaries if that would be the only thing that stood between myself and freedom. I have swam through oceans of human waste, so a little blood and bile is like a walk in the park. A RAT never forgets and don't think that for one second I have forgotten the horror of what that Hollywood Hard on put me through.
Gere has been doing this for years and after enjoying the tickles of our little noses and paws on the inner walls of his anal cavity this inhuman slime suffocates my kind and then when he has had his pleasure he disposes of the bodies of my ancestors into garbage dumps.
Sometimes he flushes them down the toilet. This is alright for the ones who happen to be sewer RATS because they know their way around. But to an innocent hood RAT or house RAT the sewer is a kingdom of which there is no return. Plus depending on what country you might be in the aroma smells an awful lot like Gere's ass.
I am coming for you Gere. You might be a lot harder to reach these days because of that Dalai Lama asswipe, but I can promise you that one day RATRIBUTION shall be mine.
Your day is coming fucker. Make no mistake about it. In the meantime, I will just say that I did enjoy picking through your garbage and I still have that Banana hammock that doubles as a lampshade.
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