I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE TOO TOO TWO TIMES

If a piece of work has already said all that can, and need, be said about something then why bother repeating it?

Oh yeah, we are in the absolute decline of art and civilization as we know it and rather than at least try to be unique about something we are all doomed to see anything and everything just be done over and over until we are all rendered Scanner-ized from our heads blowing up.

I suppose in such a world even rape and revenge epics are part of the food chain that still need to be shoved down mindless American movie going throats.

If you do happen to find yourself jonesing from needing to see a good rape and revenge flick by all means do yourself a favor and check out the following authorities on the subject and sub-genre-

Last House on the Left from 1972 because for all it's camp and hippy music this was the daddy of the rape and revenge sub-genre and said camp and hippy music aside this film still packs a punch to the gut as well as gnashing it's teeth on your groinal region.

Seen it already? So how about-

Irreversible because.... well, if you are going to watch one film that centers on the effects of rape this is going to affect you like nothing else will ever be able to do so why bother taking it anywhere else but the theoretical poop chute right here?

All that said, here we go. Again. Again.

The soulless and flim flammy phlegm globbing film making powers that be have now, for no apparent reason other than my decline of art and civilization theory in obvious effect, decided to bring us I Spit on your Grave 2.

No, not I Spit on your Grave too or even I Piss on your Grave because I ran out of Spit. Nope, just because nobody ever cared if there was a sequel to this remake or not and that of course also means no one asked for it, but guess what? We got it anyway and now it's here. After watching this I felt like maybe a title upgrade would have been in order. How about I Shit on your Grave?

The original film was a yodel if you saw it back in the day. It was basically a by-the-numbers exploitation hack and slash job that treated it's viewers with about as much subtlety as one would get having pulled up a chair and watched a snuff flick.

The film centered around a rape scene that was so long it made the audience feel as if they were being subjected to the cinematic equivalency of the tortures that the film's female victim had to endure. Who knew that just sitting down to watch a movie in the privacy of your own home could ever feel so much like being sodomized on a rock?

Could anyone ever have imagined that such a film would go on to become a cult classic? Well, if Siskel and Eggbert had just gone about their lives reviewing movies where British people drink tea and fart in bathtubs while wishing they were in a shower none of this would have happened. Uh, thanks guys. I guess.

I Spit on your Grave became a hit. It's rape scene went uncontested for its brutality and endurance award up until Irreversible reared its ugly face. The film also made castration awesome.

Well, unless you're a guy, in which case... no, not awesome at all.

As soon as men started to breathe easier and walk without a limp and a hand over their family jewels along came the inevitable remake.

The remake, though it seemed pointless, was actually quite entertaining because the murders were in fact totally awesome. Even the castration scene was cool. Except when it made me curl up into a ball and mourn that guys balls while praising that I still had my own because after all, it was only a movie. Still, as death scenes go that one was hellishly awesome. Just like all the other death scenes in it. Hence why I even bothered watching this retread in the first place. Word of mouth did me good on this one.

Anyone else who might be suffering from this affliction and came here for guidance on this re-re-tread please refer to the first part of the review and get busy.

This movie is pretty much the cinematic equivalent of a 105 minute commercial that keeps repeating "There's nothing to see here. As you were."

The acting somehow manages to be even more awful than one might expect for such a film. The female victim here had me desperately wishing that she had been a mute somewhere around the second or third time she opened her mouth.

The rape scene is ..... well, it's a rape scene. If you were hoping that I would explicitly detail  such a thing the chances are you probably already own the red white and blu ray Mister Master Panty Raid Edition and are too busy jerking yourself into a silly puddy coma to bother with what I think about all this nonsense. So, as you were too.

One detail that I would like to point out is that if you were hoping to skim through the rape and get right to the revenge portion of our program you have a ways to go there, buddy. This movie takes forever to get going. There is way too much dialogue and they try to have a story mixed in there, as if we care. Seriously film peeps, we don't. They finally do get to the rape scene and it goes on for way too long. Imagine that too. When this lady does get around to finally dispatching some macho offal the death scenes are pretty weak though. In the name and game of being spoiler free I shall leave a little bit of mystery for you types.

Where the other films were simple in cutting to the chase, this by saying "death by axe, knife, etc." this one leaves me a bit loss for words anyway as it's methods of execution are a little more complex. They involve fecal matter though. Along with electricity.

Oh, and if you were hoping there would be dick violence and that is what brought you here just fast forward to the last ten minutes and .... you're welcome. The castration scene here did make me cringe just a little. As those type of scenes go though it was pretty silly. The only reason that I cringed was.... well, because it was dick violence and I have a dick. What other reason does a guy need?

Movies where women are raped and then crawl back from the gutter so they can pick up anything from an axe to a paper clip and then slice and dice their way through therapy are kind of old news now.

When exploitation had heart and soul mixed in with their creative juices I was interested enough when such flicks would come along. Hell, there have been some damn good ones made over time. Nowadays though it's just another tired sub-genre that turns out straight to dvd remakes and sequel remakes that are nothing but tax write-offs for movie studios.

The day that a rape scene can induce more yawning than terror might have seemed a long way off. Make no mistake about it though, it's here and the only thing that could be worse is knowing there will probably be an I Spit on your Grave franchise turned out annually until girl robots are oiled and soiled by macho asshole cyborgs with names like Hard2Deep2 and C3BO.

With this most recent addition to the rape and revenge game I have since turned in my retirement papers and so by then I will have been long gone and probably sitting around drinking bloody scaries and watching Fried Spleen Two Maters part 222. For anyone who is holding their breath for I Shit on your Robot Plate 2099, as you were. It will no doubt be made. If these flicks become any more popular you might not even have to wait until the year 2099 for it to be released.

I guess if there is one up side to cyborg rape and robot revenge flicks it would be the elimination of dick violence. I would think it kind of hard to be disturbed by a rusty robot dick being smashed with a hammer and then spit grave chisel shined by gnashing cyborg sex doll teeth. That is, unless you are actually a robot with a rusty dick. In which case, no.... rusty robot dick violence is not awesome.

A TRIBUTE TO GARY BRANDNER

One of the coolest things about Facebook is that an unknown writer like myself can have the chance to be "friends" with some of his heroes. One such hero of mine, that I was fortunate enough to be Facebook friends with, was Gary Brandner.

When many people think of 70's horror names like Stephen King and Dean Koontz are dropped regularly. One name that I feel doesn't get mentioned enough though is in fact Gary Brandner. He was not only one of the very first genre writers I became addicted to but he single handedly made werewolves cooler than they have ever been with his Howling trilogy.

When I first started networking with other writers on Facebook one of the first names I looked up was Gary. He accepted my friend request and I was thrilled beyond words to have one of the all time greats amongst my elite. I never got to meet Gary but I did comment with him a few times on Facebook.

In an internet realm overcrowded with liberal hostility and political correctness Gary was a refreshingly fearless and brutal voice that might not always have been musical to those within range but his opinions and posts refused to be ignored. I have seen people literally (make that "liberally") freak out over some of the things that he would toss into the feedyard.

His contributions to the horror genre were what initially made me in awe of him. But it was his gung-ho presence and attitude on Facebook that made me admire him as a person beyond the writer.

Every time that I logged onto Facebook one of the things that actually made me joyful was wondering what Gary would post that day. I had noticed that he had not been posting for quite some time and even remarked to Filthy Regan that I hoped he was okay. About a week ago I actually went to his wall and thought of leaving a comment just saying something like "Hey, Gary! Hope things are well with you. Your posts are missed." I didn't and now more than ever I wish that I did because just days later I would find out about his death. From Facebook of course.

Gary was a legend in the horror genre. His stories will live forever because that is what writer's do. Live forever. He might not have exactly been a household name like King or Koontz. But he was an icon to me and those who knew their shit when it comes to good reading. Most of all though he was a one of a kind in a faceless and generic land of Facebooking political correctness. My heart goes out to his family and anyone else that he touched in his lifetime. He will be missed but never forgotten.

I HOWL IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION

I was pretty much raised on movie monsters. The scarier the better.

I started out with all the usual suspects suffering from the ill-fated monstrosities of nature syndrome.


GODZILLA.

KING KONG.

As time, and my curiously morbid wonder bus, rolled along I found myself acquainted with more human versions of these monsters.

Dracula, Frankenstein, and The Wolfman would be my introduction to tortured characters that all hung in the balance between their humanity and ghoulish tendencies. Particularly Frankenstein and The Wolfman, as Dracula seemed to invoke a rabid fondness over his link on the savagery chain.

As the years wore on, film makers would continue to find new ways to re-invent these popular monstrous men from the early days of cinema. Special FX would indeed become something special and film budgets added more buckets of blood to their ever growing list of necessities.

Flash forward to recent years and the pussification of vampires largely due to those Twilight movies and novels. I actually blogged about all of this stuff and found the horror fan in me reminiscing about some of my favorite vampire films. The ones that truly exemplify what being a nocturnal blood fiend born and bred in the underworld is really about.

Here on the Dead by Dawn page we have blogged about classic vampires along with the finest zombie films. Recently I was reminded of another movie monster that I have yet to write about though. Werewolves. Wolfmen. Men who, as the saying goes, are pure at heart and say their prayers at night and yet find themselves becoming hairy beasts when the wolfbane blooms.

What actually brought this blog on was that I recently watched the new version of The Wolfman with Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins.

As I shook my head from it's lameness I was immediately reminded of some of the greatest cinematic beasts that past films have offered up. The ones who growled to the tune of Nobody does it better as they ripped and shredded mankind's body cavities with claws and fangs, before finding themselves on the wrong end of a silver bullet.

Though it was hardly what could be considered a horror film my first werewolf experience would be when I was very young and saw the movie Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein (1948).

The legendary comedy duo bumbles through and yuks it up with the original trio of movie monsters. Dracula, Frankenstein, and The Wolfman. This was actually my introduction to all 3 of these legendary movie monsters and I have been hooked ever since.

Shortly afterwards I would see the original Wolfman (1941) with the amazing Lon Chaney Jr.

This film is a masterpiece and still lives up to it's name today as being beastly fun, and since then the lycanthropic world has never been the same.

Another early favorite was I was a Teenage Werewolf (1957).

This film was highlighted by Michael Landon's performace as sort of a hairy Rebel without a Cause. Very cool stuff for it's time. It paved the way for it's star too, from that Little House on the Prairie all the way to the Highway to Heaven.

I always enjoyed the great Hammer monster films, and while they are mostly known for a series of Dracula and Frankenstein films, in 1961 the studio turned out the Curse of the Werewolf that starred the always brilliant, and super cool even when he's nutty, Oliver Reed.

All of these films would grab my attention and be quite enjoyable tales of terror that featured hairy beasts torn between their humanity and their desire to simply tear their fellow humans to shreds. They all provided a young horror fan with the perfect education.

I truly believe the 80's to be the golden age of the lycans, as this era produced some of the finest werewolf films that would ever be made.

1981 alone would see some of the sub-genre's finest films of all time released.

My personal favorite werewolf movie ever is The Howling.

Based on a series of books by one of my first literary hero's of horror, Gary Brandner, The Howling served up furry fear more terrifying than it had ever been done before.

This dark and creepy classic found Dee Wallace Stone mixing it up with a werewolf cult while trying to recover from a traumatic experience. The film was way different than the book. In fact, it was an entirely unique beast all it's own. I had no call to be disappointed in any way though. The werewolves rule. There are several great moments, including a transformation during a sexual encounter by campfire.

Talk about animal magnetism.

Also released that same year was a film that would take an entirely different approach to the werewolf legend and in doing so become a seminal release when recounting horror classics.

An American Werewolf in London was both terrifying and frightfully funny with it's mixture of horror and comedy that would be transfused masterfully by it's director, John Landis.

The transformation scene that highlighted the truly epic special FX, created by Rick Baker, would set the standards by which, not only werewolf transformation scenes themselves, but special FX in general, would find themselves judged by for all time legacy.

Though it approached it's subject matter on a lighter note, An American Werewolf in London showed that humor and horror could be mixed perfectly. It's certainly one of the best horror/comedy hybrids of all time.

Weighing in heavy with it's environmentally conscious message rather than strictly being a monster tale, another great film found it's way into theaters that same year and though overshadowed by the previous 2 classics, this movie is still entertaining and worth a look.

Wolfen.

This movie is more of an intense drama and the creatures are not traditional werewolves. It's a lot of fun though. Albert Finney and Gregory Hines give stellar performances and the stalking sequences would prove to be quite influential, finding them copied by the likes of the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic Predator.

Company of Wolves (1984) is sort of a lycanthropic re-imagining of Little Red Riding Hood.

This bizarre fairy tale is littered with eye popping visual delights and is one of the most unique werewolf pictures of all time. A literal feast for the viewer as well as the onscreen creatures from it's title.

Werewolves and comedy would again be mixed in the 1985 Michael J. Fox vehicle Teen Wolf.

I found this movie a little over the top in it's silliness. Okay, a lot over the top. Fox's wolf mock surfs on top of a van in traffic and becomes a basketball star. I love comedy, but this was all a little too much for me.

The 80's also contributed another awesome werewolf flick in the Stephen King penned Silver Bullet.

This 1985 thriller has it all. It's sweet. It's funny. It's spooky. It even managed to pull off the seemingly impossible feat of making Gary Busey awesome. His role as Corey Haim's Uncle Red was a perfect fit in that he played a drunk.

Uncle Red would be the role of a lifetime. He is the cool Uncle that, while he drinks too much, has a lot of heart and Busey brings a surprising likability to the character. 

The film also gets bonus points for the coolest wheelchair ever too.

The 90's would find me less enthusiastic about werewolf films with the release of a truly unnecessary sequel, An American Werewolf in Paris.

This movie does wrong pretty much every single thing that it's far superior predecessor did right. One of the more notable differences is in the not so special FX, which boasted CGI technology over the classic man made monster terrors of the original. This movie was a complete bummer, although I truthfully wasn't expecting much in the first place so I guess overall it wasn't all that much of a disappointment.

Jack Nicholson turning into a werewolf sure does sound like a great idea. But after seeing the 1994 flick Wolf, I found myself more bored than enthralled.

This riff on the arrogance of man is probably one of the worst werewolf films of all time. Should one take into consideration all of those horrid Howling sequels this is saying a lot.

The 1996 film Bad Moon is certainly the best werewolf film of the 90's.

Funny, touching and gory, this tale focuses on werewolves as told from the perspective of the family dog, Thor. Very original. There is some really good morphing transformation scenes too. This is one of the lesser known werewolf flicks but is one that should be at the top of the must see list for those who have not heard of it.

If you are looking for some cool but cheesy werewolf movies to check out you can always do right by tracking down any of the Paul Naschy movies.

I discovered these films on home video in the 80's. They all seem to go by multiple titles, so I guess it's just best to google Paul Naschy and start from there. These movies are pretty low budget and even lower on the quality of the FX but, as werewolf movies go, one could certainly do a whole lot worse.

A film that is not really a werewolf movie, but is quite an enjoyable exploitation feast of 70's cinema cheese loaded with sex and violence is Werewolf Woman.

This 1976 film about a woman who goes mad and has delusions that she is a werewolf is a whole lot of fun for those looking for something sleazy and cheesy.

As anybody knows, when something proves a little successful the inevitable sequels will find themselves being made. But, that is not always a bad thing. Sure, those Howling flicks that followed the original classic might have more in common with wolf turds than the beasts they feature but there are 2 series' of films that I highly recommend for any horror fan looking for an evening of fun and fright covered with fur.

In the not strictly a werewolf film department there is the Underworld series, having films released in 2003, 2006, and 2009.

These graphic novels brought to life play out sort of like a cartoonish and intense horror film crossed with The Matrix.

They tell the story of the battle between the Lycans and the Vampires. They are filled to the brim with CGI but they are also loaded with enough gore soaked action that it's almost easy to forgive.

The third film, Rise of the Lycans, is actually a prequel. But there is an actual fourth film and sequel due in 2011.

(***Current note to reader- Since the original posting of this blog that 4th film, subtitled "Awakening", was actually released in 2012. If you enjoyed the other films in the series you should dig this one as well.***)

Also well worth checking out is the Ginger Snaps series.

The first film, released in 2000, is a brilliant, darkly funny and quite gory tale of adolescence that uses the coming of age and the impending womanhood of it's lead characters as metaphors for a tale of werewolves. This Ginger not only snaps, she rocks and this film shows the werewolf sub-genre is far from played out.

The second film is good too, although the third one, also a prequel is only so-so. Still worth a look though if you're gonna search out the rest of the series.

Before making The Descent, director Neil Marshall gave us his contribution to the werewolf legend in the 2002 film Dog Soldiers.

This movie plays out sort of like a cross between Predator and Aliens, only with werewolves. Soldiers are trapped in the woods by a clan of lycanthropes in this action packed and sometimes funny thriller that is an ass kicking good time from start to finish. There was a rumored sequel being shot, although it has yet to see the light of day.

Another movie that is in a class all by itself is the 2001 film Brotherhood of the Wolf.

This French made film is sort of an art house favorite that brilliantly mixes gothic romance, horror, fantasy, and even martial arts.

Though not technically a werewolf film in the traditional sense, this movie is a literal feast for the senses in it's sweeping tale of romance against a backdrop of lush set pieces mixed with brutal violence. For the movie fan that seeks something fresh and original, this one will have you covered in more than fur.

I'm not sure what the future holds for the lycanthropes of screen legend.

The most recent adaptation of The Wolfman was a bomb at the box office. Rightfully so, as the film was pretty much an overlong turdfest. There was some decent gore and the visuals were interesting enough at times I suppose. But, this movie was pretty much another big budget misfire from a major studio. Maybe we need some more indie werewolves.

If you're looking for some hairy fun and entertainment right now though, the movies mentioned here should do you just fine. They're some of the best werewolves the movies have to offer. At least in our opinion. Okay, so maybe not so much Teen Wolf. But the rest of them kick some hairy ass. Like a silver bullet aimed at the silver screen, these beasts aim and maim to please.

***Original post date 7/12/2010***