Sssssss is a Fine Line

There sometimes is a fine line between what people would define as horror or not. I believe the film Sssssss (1973) would fall into that category.  I want to warn you that I'm going to provide a lot of information and pictures here about this movie.  But I won't give away the ending.

 I remember being a little girl and watching this movie with my mom. I remember the grave feeling it gave me. Not necessarily a horrific feeling but just really weighty and heavy hearted. I guess it all boils down to how one feels about snakes.

Because there are those in this movie and if you’re really squeamish about snakes, then this movie may fall into the horror category for you people.

I am okay with snakes as long as they’re not poisonous. I do believe that Manitou has a fear of snakes…I think…and feet are right up there with them. Sorry honey I don’t want to give away your secrets. We are all patiently waiting for your top list of things that scare you.

 Do you ever remember watching a movie when you were much younger and recall that you really liked it, or it affected you in some way? Well I was having a discussion with my love Manitou about old movies the other night, and this movie came up, which I forgot entirely about until he mentioned it. The memory of that feeling came back instantly and I wanted to see it again as soon as possible because I was wondering if it would have the same affect on me; giving me that eerie subtle feeling that I love. Yeah I love to have a creepy low key uneasy feeling…it’s almost my most favorite kind of feeling, but not many things make me feel that way. Anyway, that is how I remembered it…soooo I watched the movie again.

So in 1973 I was like 7ish years old. I’m not sure if I was taken to the theater to see this or watched it later on cable, but I do know now after watching it again what those feelings were…it was the first feelings of love…yep…it was Dirk Benedict who plays the student assistant David and experimental subject.

Watching this movie really tugged on my little girl heart strings; not only because Dirk was such a complete babe in my eyes, but it also made me feel overly sorry for him with those puppy dogs eyes, and what he was going through in the movie.  It wasn't the snakes at all that provided that feeling...sigh.  But I can tell you that despite my love struck eyes for a young Dirk, watching this again proved to me that it was indeed a good movie; a good movie for 1973. If you appreciate that era and the movies that came out of it, then you will enjoy this movie, especially if you dig snakes. I also really enjoyed the musical score in the movie, which was largely piano based.

All of the reptiles were real in this movie, which gives me a lot of respect for actor Strother Martin.

who superbly plays the mad doctor, and handles the snakes with an expert touch throughout the film.

Well except for when he seemingly offers them liquor and they slurp it down without hesitation.  And, wow, his character’s name was Dr. Stoner…you just gotta love that. 

  Yeah I know it wasn't real liquor I ain't that dumb!

 

I wonder how many people (idiots) tried to offer this to their snakes after seeing this movie in the 70’s.

There are many very impressive snakes in the movie like King Cobras and Pythons and some highly poisonous African snake seen here that puts you into cardiac arrest immediately after being bitten.  Nasty little thing!

There is a statement in the beginning of the movie that the cast and crew were exposed to very hazardous conditions. The early scenes go into the marvels of snake venom and feature the actors interacting with the snakes and show the dangers they can present to the public if not handled with the right respect and training.

Dr. Stoner wants to help humanity by transforming people into creatures with the survival prowess of snakes and the intelligence of humans, therefore surviving all of the future inevitable atrocities in store for human kind. So the second student he chooses after the first one goes horribly wrong and winds up in the local freak-show as shown here

is really in for it as it’s a very painful process being turned into a snake.

There’s a lot of feeble whimpering and crying in the progression. As a child this really made me feel sad for the wildly cute male subject; as an adult it was a bit pathetic. As the student willingly gives his body to the many injections he thinks are only anti snake venom shots, he is slowly being turned into a man-snake of the King Cobra kind.

Oh my this is really happening, isn't it?

And finally......

There was only one thing that was pretty annoying to me in the film, and that was the mongoose that was being kept in a very small cage, and would never shut the hell up.  

But I don’t blame him because I would be shouting too if it were me in that cage.
 

So overall I would recommend this movie for a little fun in a throwback kind of way. It’s rated PG so, yeah, whether it’s gonna creep you out all depends on how you feel about snakes, um, or the young Dirk Benedict ;-).  If one has a major fear of snakes and doesn’t even like to look at them on a screen, this movie will definitely be horrific to them…for the rest give it a shot, and I don’t think you’ll be disappointed, in my opinion.

Oh and this guy is in it too.  Can you tell who he is?

Originally Posted on May 30, 2010

 

Signed,
F. Regan

Rat Chips!

***A guest blog by Ben the Rat. Original post date 7/17/2010***

RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS
RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS
RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS
RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS
RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS
RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS RAT CHIPS

What the hell are Rat Chips you ask? Well, they are the toenails of a corpse. Yeah I know, human chips are usually made from potatoes or corn and come in a large variety of flavors, which I have had my fill of while rummaging through garbage cans or through manufacturing plants always leaving some rat droppings behind... even if I have to squeeze my bowels extra hard to do it and pop a little one out to be found by a child during lunchtime at school and consumed (it always leaves a grin on my face just thinking of some idiot kid chomping on one of my little turds while eating a bag of chips yum yum… stupid fucking humans)…..but believe me, toenails are much more delightful. I have spent many a night in morgues making my way through the dead bodies and scampering on top of them... sometimes gnawing my way through a little plastic to make my way to the little lovely tender toes of the deceased.  

Can you see here the similarity between a nice juicy toenail and those chips all you ignorant humans are eating?  This particular toe was so juicy and delicious, I'll never forget it.

If humans were to just taste something without truly being able to see it with their eyes, or know what it truly is, it may make for something really delicious and nutritionally sound. Just think about the times when you have eaten a bag of chips and came across one that was different than all of the rest…maybe a different color or texture…a little harder than usual…hmmmm what could it be? It may be the toenail that I carried with me to the manufacturing plant that I frequent and dropped in the chip making bin with a big sharp toothed smile on my face.

Now each body gives me different flavors of delightful goodness to behold. Like a fresh corpse’s toenails are very crunchy and don’t provide much dipping sauce. They are also more difficult to peel away from the flesh as their decaying counterparts. But they are very good nonetheless. They are usually pretty salty from fresh foot sweat…the sweatier the foot was, the saltier the taste. In this respect, even a sharp vinegar flavor can be discovered which is immensely pleasurable.

Now a majorly decayed corpse that has been sitting for a while undiscovered in an apartment or home or maybe in a alley somewhere, well, those provide a completely different flavor and texture and nice delectable dipping sauces that have a different flavor every time.

Here's a picture of a pair of VERY ripe dead feet.

The toenail always slides very smoothly away from the rotting toe flesh, and includes a variety of delicious creamy cheesy sauces underneath....mmmmm my mouth is salivating just thinking about it. The longer the corpse has been rotting, the better the flavor. Sometimes I lick between the toes first to get some additional flavor on my tongue. Or take a little bite of the toe flesh first. Sometimes I eat the entire little toe including the toenail first as an appetizer to its larger more enticing neighbors. It just depends on my mood…Oh and I never eat painted toenails….ewwww painted toenails are disgusting!!

I think there are so many opportunities for nutrition out there that stupid humans would not even touch because they are so squeamish about every-fucking-thing. BUT if they only knew what actually went into the packaged products they were shoving into their puffy bloated faces every day, they would be sickened to the core. I have spent many of my days roaming around meat packing plants and food and animal manufacturing companies, and have witnessed many atrocities beyond ones sickest human dreams. And these atrocities wind up in the mouths of human babes and adults alike. But we’ll save that for another blog. Me, I am just happy that God graced my race with poor vision and sharp taste buds.

Little Seeds of Terror

How it seems like kids are sooo innocent…well seems. So when a horror movie is made related to children performing malicious acts or involved in any kind of creepy goings on, it seems to strike more of a disturbing cord. The Exorcist which is a movie based on a portion of my life as a possessed child is a great example of this. If a movie was made about an adult possession it wouldn’t be nearly as freaky and unsettling. To me a child who is involved in some sort of ghastly behavior is a beautiful thing, but yeah this is Regan talking.

…….I am unable to have children from my own filthy loins – it’s one of those things that comes with being possessed. However, Manitou is looking for someone to bring forth the next evil midget Indian Man with a big ass. He will use his powers to impregnate the back of an unknowing woman creating a disgusting festering pulsating abscess which will grow at an alarming rate and spit forth our hell spawn in a bloody slimy explosion of the most magnificent kind.

But yeah anyway, back to the creepy kid movies. I have seen all of these and recommend every one.  They are listed in no particular order. Let your kids watch them so they get some scathingly brilliant ideas….yeah baby!

1. Village of the Damned (1960)
This movie is simply psychedelic in nature. Some women in town get impregnated mysteriously and then all give birth at the same time. All of the children are born with white hair, intense brain-power and cold glowing eyes. The blank faced children display supernatural abilities for which they use with grave consequences, releasing an outbreak of terror.

 

2. The Bad Seed (1956)
A little seemingly innocent and sweet little girl is actually pure evil inside. She really has her mother snowed. I think the little girl in this movie gives a mighty fine performance.

 

 

3. The Innocents (1961)
A governess fights evil spirits that are trying to posses the children and steal their souls.

 

4. The Omen (1976)
A boy child is marked with the number 666 and is the Antichrist and will do anything in his power to fulfill his final purpose.

5. The Exorcist (1973)
Well this movie is based on my life and how I became possessed and is the best one of all!  This is a picture of me worshiping my Master.

6. Children of the Corn (1984)
This one is about evil children who have massacred all of their parents and rule the corn town. This kid is seriously f-ing creepy.

7. Orphan (2009)
A couple adopt a child who has some serious crazy criminal insanity issues and she plays her evil games on the family. This movie has a great twist at the end. I really liked it.

8. Pet Sematary (1989)
Animals come back to life after being buried in a certain area but they come back crazed and vicious. In a desperate measure it is attempted on humans with severe consequences indeed.

9. The Good Son (1993)
Wanna see Macaulay Culkin in an evil role? He is outstanding in this role I thought anyway.

10. Alice Sweet Alice (1976)
My man Manitou wrote a superb blog about this movie called I WAS IN LOVE WITH AN 11 YEAR OLD BURN VICTIM. Read it….read it now! 

 

Signed,

Filthy Regan 

Originally Posted on May 10, 2010

Family Drive in Creeps

Originally Posted on April 30, 2010

When I (Regan) was young and first introduced to the horror Genre I was pretty much just thrown into some pretty hardcore stuff for my age. I was a very different child, and not much of it bothered me really. I mean, I really wasn’t filtered from anything from the age of like 8.  If my mom (who was a huge crazy horror fan) watched it then so would I. Most parents like to filter what their kids see, but yeah, definitely not mine.

 

I do remember going to the drive in a lot when I was a kid....

and one movie I remember seeing there in particular that would be one that’s not too bad, and is actually a PG13 rating, is Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye (1985).

 

I remember being at the drive-in as an older teen and really enjoying the movie – it’s creepy but it’s good clean creepy fun, as far as I remember anyway. It’s really a drive-iny kind of movie if that makes any sense.

 
It’s a trilogy, and is based on a cat that travels around and crosses the paths of many “interesting” people. It has James Woods and cute little Drew Barrymore in it. This is definitely a movie that would be okay in my eyes as an introduction to the horror genre for younger teens.  If you have a young teen that is really sensitive well maybe not, it just depends I guess.  Not possible to see it at the drive-in anymore, understood, so yeah baby, just go rent it and pop some popcorn at home with the kids, and prepare to get just a little... creeped out.

  Signed,

Filthy Regan

I SMELL DEAD PEOPLE AND SWAMPASS

I thought the movie The Sixth Sense was totally overrated. Bruce Willis had long been considered un-cool by then and that little kid was just annoying in a more annoying than most other little kids kind of way. I am guessing that I'm not the only person who found this to be so as Holey Osmonds career died about five minutes after the credits rolled and he now sleeps with starving fishes over at Macauley Culkin's place.

This director guy, Midnight Shingamangalammadingdong whatever the fuck his name is, couldn't make a good movie if somebody else made it for him and he just put his long ass name on it. Even if the starting results were slightly bearable I have no doubt the curse of Shimalimadimadongadong whatever would come alive in the editing room and render the film incomprehensible like everything else he has made to date.

The American public has taste in their bunghole and Sixth Sense became a huge phenomenon despite being slower in pace than old people trying to 69 each other. Shinkadinkadankadama wasn't going to just all of a sudden start making good movies and the quality of his films went even further down the shitter.

Next up he did another crappy Bruce Willis movie because we all know that is what Willis does best now. Make crappy movies. This one was some nonsense about a train wreck and a comic book and some god-awful mess of a story that I can't really remember right now as I am going flaccid just recalling this piece of shit.It did have resident badass Sammy Jackson, but with no catch phrase even Big Sam's own bio should render this one broken, despite whatever the title might claim.

He made that shitty movie about Amish people who shit in the woods and grow voodoodoo and then he did something about a woman and a lake. In his trademark twist I am gonna guess there was only a bathtub. I never felt compelled to watch this movie since it was already established that if the movie was made by night boy shookadookadoubledonger I would surely hate it. Feeling certain it would deliver on this guys previous reputation with flying colors, brown and yellow most likely, I stayed as far away from this one as possible.

I did manage to see his last film called The Happening. You know the one with Markie Mark. Oh wait, he doesn't want to be called that anymore. Mark Wahlberg. The underwear guy. Yeah, him.

This movie wasn't as horrendously shitty as everything else Shimadimmalongdong made, but I will say that calling a movie where pretty much nothing happens The Happening is a pretty lame thing to do and I hope that he burns in Hell for false advertising.

That's the way to do it. Stick his sorry movie making ass right there in Hades next to some of those dead people he mocked so he could jumpstart a career that has thankfully tanked like a tits up cuttlefish.

Lots of movies have been made about seeing dead people. . . . and hearing dead people. . . and feeling dead people. . . . and. . . . ummmm. . . having relations with them. Yeah.

It's a safe bet that a movie being a horror movie there will be dead people in it, and often times these people will just not stay put or go away. Doesn't mean that the entertainment value of the movie itself has to be dead on arrival though.

I like to think of the movie Don't Look Now as the original "I see dead people" movie. Except that we really don't see dead people. But, there is dead people. . . . and we do know they are there. In fact, the only person to see the dead people is a blind lady who just so happens to be psychic.

So, maybe saying "I see dead people" is kind of not really the case. More like. . . . feeling them. Maybe she smells them. I mean, dead people are quite renowned for that special stink, am I right?

Regardless of the small stuff, this 1972 shocker of a film is very creepy and intense and well worth a look if you're looking for something that is..... well, creepy and intense.

Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie play a married couple whose young daughter drowns in the opening moments of the film.

I do want to imagine these people grieve for their loss, but the film then jumps ahead and Sutherland is set about to work helping to restore an old church in the city of Venice, Italy. 

While sitting in a restaurant the aforementioned blind psychic lady tells the couple that she sees their young daughter between them and that they should not be so sad because dearly departed one is happy. Happiness turns to fear and dread as the woman discovers that all is not well and predicts that Sutherland is in great danger and that the couple should leave Italy at once. Of course, as always the case in the movies, they don't listen to her and things pretty much go downhill from there.

Who is this woman? Does she really see their daughter? What does the daughter want? Is Sutherland really in danger? These questions will be answered by the films end and the answers will not be at all what you are expecting. The whole scenario is made all the more ominous by the fact that a crazed killer is running loose in the streets.

This movie is interesting in its delivery, but not particularly for the reasons one might expect. It’s slow paced and yet still manages to be creepy as Hell. One cannot help but watch it and wonder what exactly is going to happen to these characters. Yes, the girl is dead. But, as previously stated the dead often times do not stay put and the child has a purpose that takes its time in revealing itself.

Two aspects of the film that I found extremely entertaining were the way that the film conducts the storyline of the grieving couple. Certainly the loss of a child is a sad reality that one might expect to never recover from. But, the couple seems to be doing very well and the whole thing is pretty understated. I found this interesting because I couldn't help but think the filmmaker decided to focus on the creepy tones of the possibility of what could be rather than the sadness of what once was or is or whatever the fuck.

Sutherland seems to be throwing his grieving heart into the restoration of this church, whereas Christie is simply bent on talking to this blind psychic lady and finding out what she has to say about their daughter and the purpose that the daughters ghostly presence will have on them. She seems to spend much of the film seeking a rather curious form of closure.

Sutherland and Christie both give very fine and somewhat understated performances. But, the truly greatest character in the film is the city of Venice itself. Most of the happenings occur on the back streets and alleyways of this gorgeous city and though in the background, the city streets bring an entirely new element to the story.

Structures of history that serve as a backdrop to a tale of what may or may not be and what is to become of these people. Set on restoring and preserving this history in the form of this church and yet doing so as their own world seems to be unraveling and deconstructing itself. Though buried six feet underneath of the ghostly overtones and the magnificent peformances of the actors this all seems well thought out by director, Nicolas Roeg, and helps to carry the film along quite nicely. Slowly yes, but nicely done.

There is also the haunting and beautiful score created by one of the masters of suspense film composing, Pino Donaggio. I have always thought a films score is underrated when it comes down to equating the value of its charms and alarms and the beautiful and haunting music that highlights this tale is a prime example of brilliance in soundtrack execution.

The film received a bit of controversy back in its day due to a somewhat graphic sex scene between Christie and Sutherland. There was talk that they were actually having sex. I won't say that sweaty things exactly seem to go that far, but the scene is still fairly explicit even in this day and age and yet it still is very tastefully done. Another high five for these two stellar performers.

The charm and the beauty in this film and what makes it work so well for me is the fact that it’s so calm in its suspense and story telling. Not a whole lot really happens until the final seconds of the film and yet in the sparse happenings there is much suspense and the overall mood of the film is what becomes one of its greatest assets, alongside its impressive scenery.

Surely by today’s gruesome standards this film might be considered quite tame by many horror fans. But, anybody who is looking for something simple and brooding in its delivery will surely be entertained by this dark and creepy masterpiece. At the very least, it's far more effective and nail biting than anything Shimmalimmalanglong Night Day Afternoonie Boony Goony could ever hope to dream up. Seriously, fuck that guy. I hope that when he dies the previously departed line up to pull a train on his no talent ass. Now, THAT would make an excellent tribute to dead motherfuckers from all walks and stumbles of existence.

****Original post date 4/19/2010. As Maxwell Smart would say...... "Dayyyyyum 4/20. Missed it by that much."****